Giving up something to get something

A new year brings hope for a fresh start and for making positive changes, such as giving up habits or patterns that are not serving you well. It is sometimes helpful to have a ritual around this, perhaps journaling about your goals or writing what you want to give up on pieces of paper and burning the pages in the fireplace.

This year my son is giving up something he likes that has also become a burden, which is being a member of the Keystone State Boychoir, a prestigious singing group. While he loves singing and performing, my son found the almost 4 hour practices every Saturday morning, combined with the extra practices around performances, was taking a toll on him, especially with the added pressure of 3-6 hours of weekend homework.

Still, giving up the Choir was very hard for my son, who had a lot of difficulty giving up something he had worked so hard to join. I finally had to step in and help him make the decision since it was giving him so much anxiety and even led to what appeared to be an anxiety attack one Saturday morning when he realized how much homework he would have to do on Sunday. His free time is very important to him, which I respect; my free time is very important to me!

I recently read a book that really affected me to the degree that I gave a copy to my son's teacher and to my father. Boy Without Instructions, by Penny Williams, is a personal account by a mother about the day to day challenges of parenting her son with ADHD. There are so many lessons from the book that I could not possibly list them all here, but a section on how hard it was for Penny's son to give up baseball ( he kept telling his mother that he was not a quitter) affected me profoundly. As parents, we don't want to be teaching our children to quit, but there are times when something is not serving you well. I believe this was an opportunity to teach my son HOW to quit something the "right way." I wrote a letter to the Choir directors weeks in advance essentially giving "notice" and required that my son stay through the holiday concert (a five hour Sunday which followed a five hour Saturday practice). Also, I made sure the door would be  open for my son to return to the Choir later if he wishes.

So this year I will mourn that my son is not a part of this wonderful group, but I will also be happy on Saturday mornings when he can relax for a change and enjoy the lazy Saturday mornings I myself remember having as a child. I guess you have to lay something down to pick something up.