The end of the school year for my son is fast approaching and overall I am happy about that. For three months I will not have to oversee 2-3 hours of homework a night and up to 6 hours on weekends. The end of school also means that my son will have a lot more free time and a lot more time with me, which I will have to manage. Thus, I will have a whole new host of challenges, like monitoring computer time, food intake, amount of exercise, and boredom. In the end, the fight over homework will be replaced with the fight about why doing 5 hours of Minecraft while eating chicken tenders and fries three times a day is not a prescription for a healthy summer.
The most recent podcast I listened to from ADDitude magazine is titled "The Calm Parent" by Kirk Martin. Martin, like many of his colleagues, reminds us that we as parents need to control our own behaviors before addressing our child's, which includes recognizing our own emotional triggers and being present with them. In addition, Martin discusses many strategies he has found useful for interacting with children with ADHD, such as:
- When emotional, both of you should sit down. A change in posture changes mood.
- Use code words and actions to achieve a cool down. "Get chips and salsa" and "popcorn" are two he uses. The time it takes to pop the popcorn in a microwave is a cool down period for the child. He also uses the word "opposite" to remind a child that his behavior is having the opposite result that he wants.
- Praise your child for progress, not for perfection.
- Children with ADHD have busy, disorganized brains, Martin says. They often do not feel like they have any control or ownership of anything. Saying "no" to a child teaches impulse control, but you should say "yes" to something else. For example, give your child the opportunity to do chores or help another adult to make money to buy a video game he wants.
- Recognize and honor your child's gifts, talents and passions. Design your own report card for your child, grading them on items like compassion, leadership, creativity and initiative.
Martin often reminds children of the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." I can see that I will have to remind myself of that when I overreact to one of my son's behaviors. I need to model calmness and equanimity. For more information, see Martin's website: http://celebratecalm.com/about-us/
